~All The Cool Kids Are Doing It~

I assume you have watched the video, and now you are missing me with the white hot yearning of a thousand suns.  It can’t be helped—the woman in that video is quite adorable.

The video was created six years ago when I was juggling my blog and my newspaper column, and I tended to keep the two related.  The video counted as work for the blog, and the actual picture did appear as my by-line (once) in the newspaper.

Now that I have jacked up your rememberances of me, let me tell you about my current reality: Now With 95% Less bloody foam!

When you are home and you have control of the remote, it drives me nuts that you channel surf during the middle of shows and I always think, “If I had the remote,I would just watch one show.”

And now you are gone and I do have the remote and do you know what?  There really isn’t anything on, and I tend to channel surf quite a bit myself.  Watching tv with you is funner, I watch a wider variety of shows.

Also, I sleep like the dead when I have the big bed to myself.  When you are home,  I wake up 5-6 times a night.  When you are gone, I lay down and down and I don't wake up until morning.

The mornings suck with you gone.  When you are home and I wake up to early, I can use those couple minutes to snuggle up to your warm body before you wake up.  Most of the time, you get out of bed and I go back to sleep knowing that when I get up the coffee will be hot and the kids will be on the move.

When you are gone,I wake up early and remember that you are gone and I wonder where you are at this time of the day.

And then I do the strangest thing!

Instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, I get up and make my own coffee and then I turn on the weather channel.   The kids are not enjoying this turn of events, because it means that I am wide awake in the morning, and ready to nag them about their personal hygiene, the crap they leave laying around and the situation in the kitchen.

I want you to think of me as adorable when you are away from me—but the reality around the Ol Ranchero is a lot more of a crabby mom schleping around in yoga pants and an old flannel shirt nagging at every person who crosses into her path.  If you were here, you would be in my cross hairs, and I would be creating lists of things that I needed you to carry around or climb on top of.  You might think you would be spending a peaceful Saturday at home in a Norman Rockwell painting--but in reality I would have you either shopping or carrying the giant table back into the house. 

When you think about it--you driving crude today and making a fistful of dollars is giving you a much more relaxing day, and the video is a present because it gives you a picture that makes me look a lot funner than I really am.