~So...The Colorado Thing~

The buzz is in the air that you may be moving to Colorado.  I say that because I was with you when you spoke to Eric and threw your name into the hat.  I understand that a couple of your Ross room mates are also throwing their names into the hat, and I see why it would be great for them as they would be closer to home.

I also see why it would be great for you:

On and off Ramps to the highway.  No more jumping off a dirt road into 65 mph traffic
Better weather.  Colorado ain't no Paradise, but it probably won't get to -70 with white out conditions and everything covered in hoarfrost.
Cheaper.
Your water probably wouldn't be flammable.
Ross loads are slowing down.
Closer to your parents.

I can SEE why Colorado is a good idea for you, so it is odd that it makes me so uncomfortable isn't it?

From my perspective it is good or non-life changing:

Traveling from North Dakota or Colorado will take you the same amount of time, so it won't make a blip on the radar for home life.

You will be living in Colorado, I have been saying for years I would live in Colorado--it is a pretty state with healthy looking people and a lot of outdoor activities.  It still has the mountains, but it is warmer than Idaho.

However, the plan isn't for all of us to move to Colorado, it is just you moving to Colorado--and it isn't a solid plan, just a whisper in the wind of a possibility that may never amount to more than hours of hot air.

SO why does it bother me so much?

Today, as I was driving to my mother's house to help Dad put items on Craigslist, I thought about it and realized that it bothers me because it is a change that involves you moving to another state for work.

It's primary enculturation in action.  When Don left us, he said he was going to Texas for a job and he would come back to get us, which of course he never did.  Unfortunately, I was 4 years old at the time and smart enough to make the connection between, "I am moving out of state for a job" and "Sayonara suckers, I am out!"

Because I learned that lesson during my formative years, it has just become a part of my psyche--it's just there like a great white swimming beneath the surface waiting to attack.

It's cool that I figured that part of it out, now when I get that panicky, "he is MOVING out of STATE for a JOB" feeling, I can remind myself that you are not Don and I am not four years old.  You moving to Colorado simply means I have more incentive to come visit.

The other problem is that I have my compass tuned into you in North Dakota.  I know the road that I have to drive to get to you.  I know Billings is the half way point, and one of my favorite spots to visit.

If you go to Colorado, my compass is going to have to reset in a different directions, and what if I can't find my way to Rock Springs to meet you for a booty call?

Obviously that is a silly thing to fear, since I know how to get to Rock Springs.

But still, it's the internal compass getting redirected.

I have some quirks that probably make it hard to have a relationship with me.  You could say that me obsessing over where my husband is going to live next month is one of them. Or you could say, "I am exhibiting total normal marital behavior.

S0000...The Colorado thing--which may not even be a thing--It's making me as jittery as a mouse in a hen house.

Just do me a favor.  Give me some notice, don't spring it on me.